Want a frugal wedding? Elope!

When J and I got married, we did what might be called a "planned elopement." This was nothing new in my family, as my oldest sister had married her husband in Grenada a few years before. My parents had performed a more traditional elopement, deciding suddenly to marry one weekend when they were both home from college. (My mother ran into the kitchen and told my bewildered grandmother, "I'm getting married and I need some money!")

I was never one to dream about the day I'd get to wear the Big White Dress. Frankly, weddings seem like uncomfortable affairs to me...a lot of expense, so many things to plan, so many opportunities for things to go wrong. In addition, while I considered myself a Unitarian at the time, I wasn't religious enough that it struck me as desirable, or even appropriate, to be married in a church. I think the major reason I didn't want a wedding, though, was that I hate being the center of attention. (I could imagine myself fainting or throwing up out of nervousness, on my way down the aisle.)

So, when J surprised me with an engagement ring, I didn't even want to begin thinking about the logistics of planning a huge affair. I just wanted to remain blissfully engaged until we were suddenly, seamlessly, blissfully married. I didn't want to spend the next few months having to hash out the details of the big day--that didn't seem fun or romantic to me. I put forth the idea of eloping, but then I worried for a time about that. Would I regret it? Would I have wished later that I'd done something more traditional? Some time later, I finally decided that no, I wouldn't miss it a bit.

So, we'd decided we were going to elope, but where? There was really no place that came immediately to mind, and the choices seemed overwhelming. I jokingly put forth the idea that we should spin each other around in front of a huge map we had in our bedroom in order to come up with a location. So, I covered my eyes, J spun me around, and I chose a small island in the South Pacific that resembled a small speck of dust. I then spun J around and he chose Victoria, B.C., Canada. We both said something to the effect of, "Hey, not bad!" The next and last time he spun me around, my finger landed on The Congo!

That had only been for fun, but I couldn't get the idea of Canada out of my head. I asked J what he really thought of Victoria or, perhaps, Toronto. He'd been to both places and loved both of them, and we settled on Victoria.

We lined up a Marriage Commissioner and reserved several days at a lovely B&B. My parents, probably thankful that they didn't have to pay for a big wedding, offered to purchase the plane tickets. And on a clear, sunny October day, we were married in the Japanese Gardens at Royal Roads University.

I think we probably ended up spending around $700 of our own money. What we got was a wedding that was about us and for us, and not for dozens of other people. I suppose it would have been different if one of us actually wanted a traditional wedding, but neither one of us did.

I mainly used the internet for my own research, but here's a book on "destination weddings" that my sister loaned me. She had used it when planning her wedding in Grenada.